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You’ve got questions? He’s got answers! Need advice?

Send your questions to Terrance:

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I’m 30 yrs old, and have been in an on and off relationship with my boyfriend for about 8 years. We now have 2 kids together and I’m ready to take it to the next level and get married. However, he doesn’t think, “we’re ready.”

Just to give you some background info. We met back in 2002 and things started off pretty good. Then, I found out that he liked to share his love with every other girl in town. I would break it off and take him back time and again. He also had a terrible drinking problem and would become verbally and physically abusive.


In 2005 I swore I was leaving him for good, only to get back with him 2 years later in 2007. His drinking problem was a thing of the past and I was still in love with him, so I decided to give it another try. Then I found out that he was still seeing his rebound crazy ex-girlfriend. She would pop up when I was at his house and act a d**n fool. He was lying to me and saying that she was a crazy stalker and I believed him for a little while. Then I end up getting pregnant in the midst of all this. Six months into my pregnancy I found out that she was pregnant and she was saying it was his. It turned out to be his child, but he was adamant that he didn’t want to be with her, and that I was the chosen one. So, I believed him.

I moved in with him after the birth of our second child, and thought things would work out, only to find out that he was still sleeping with his ex again as well as a few other girls. I took our 2 kids and moved out at which point he impregnated her AGAIN. Now, we both have 2 kids by him and he’s back with me and we have since moved to another state. He says that he can’t wait to make me his wife, but he keeps putting it off. Should I count my losses and move on, or should I give it some time? – Wanting To Be Married

“A Military Man Did Me Wrong, But I Met Another One I’m Really Into”

Dear Ms. Wanting To Be Married,

I….I….I…I just don’t know what to say anymore. I mean what in the world is really going on? No, really! Do I live in a bubble or something? Am I oblivious to the tom-foolery you women go through with men just to say you have a man? I mean, I thought this type of stuff was really fiction and didn’t happen to ‘real’ women, or people.

You are truly sad, and all the participants in this travesty are even sadder. But, the fact that two women are competing for one man and each of you have two children with him, and are going back and forth vying for his affection truly has me stumped. You’re mad and angry with the other woman, but it’s the man who is creating and instigating this drama between you all. Yet, you are so oblivious and naïve because you’re silly and playing these immature games and he has both of you wrapped around his d**k, that you can’t see the forest for the trees.

I mean, you’re competing for this low-down, good for nothing, conniving, no job having, no bank account and little funds having, no education, not a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of, mentally, verbally, and physically abusive excuse of a man. Just quit. Please just quit the game and let her win. HE IS NOT A PRIZE! TRUST ME.

And, girl, just like he is telling you things about her of how she is a stalker and she won’t leave him alone, and “you’re the chosen one.” Really, Dumbass! You’re the chosen one? SMDH! Yeah, you’re chosen all right. You are touched in the head, and I mean something is off and I am sure it’s a mild case of retardation. Girl, if he is telling you things about her, then what do you think he is saying to her about you? Go ahead and think about it. Ponder on that for a while.

The man has a drinking problem, and he is verbally and physically abusive. Ugh! You know what. I’m not even going to finish my answer. I’m done. I am over it, you, and all you women who sit up with a man and get impregnated with his children knowing he is trifling, no good, and will never marry you, and more than likely will leave you fending to care for your children alone. You’re nothing but breeders. This ghetto asinine behavior has got to stop! I’m tired. I really am, and I know those who read these letters shake their heads in shame thinking to themselves, “Damn! No wonder we can’t do and be better.”

If you want to play the game with the other woman of, “I got him now so b***h back up,” then go ahead and knock yourself out. If you want to compete with her and bore more children and get one up on her, then go ahead and knock yourself out. If you want to fight over a man who pits two women against one another, then, girl, go ahead and knock yourself out. But, what I know for sure is that you can’t and you won’t deny or tell me that you’re operating with a full deck. I swear there is a chromosome missing in your DNA. And, let everyone reading this be my witness, no matter what I say, or anyone who comments on this will say, you’re going to stay with him and try to convince him to marry you because you don’t want the other woman to get him and they end up married.

You’re sad and pathetic, and I feel sorry for your kids. You’re so busy chasing after a man who clearly has shown you that he has no regard, care, concern, or love for you. Honey, you don’t even know what love is. That’s the sad part. Do you love you? Yes, you! Do you love yourself, and can you walk away from this –ish and be with yourself, content, and happy without him?

Girl, please get yourself some inspirational books by Iyanla Vanzant, TD Jakes, Marianne Williamson, Juanita Bynum, and more importantly, get you some Jesus. Stop being concerned about that man, and his ex who he is still sleeping with, and don’t believe he isn’t because he is making trips to visit her and they are still communicating via text, e-mail, phone, smoke signals, and pigeons, trust! Please focus on the real Man above. But, you have some deep rooted issues that are beyond reproach and it’s going to take a lot of listening to some of Mary J. Blige’s Ooooooollllllllldddddd CD’s. I’m talking about, My Life, Share My World, and Mary.

Look, Ms. Wanting To Get Married, please do better. Go back to school, get your education, choose a career where you can care for your children, and leave that man alone. He is not going to marry you. He has told you that he doesn’t think, “We’re ready.” That is code for, “I am never going to marry you, but I’m going to keep playing house with you, and I’m going to keep seeing other women, and I’m going to keep getting other women pregnant because on the real, I’m not married. And, I can do whatever I want.” Girl, get away from me before I drop kick you. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

How many of you would stay in a relationship with someone who continuously cheats, and tells you they want to get married, but makes not effort in doing so?

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!

Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!