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Dear Deya Direct:

My boyfriend of 10 months is an amazing man and the father of two.  I really love him and I think we have a bright future together but, because he has to pay such high child-support and buy gifts for his kids, even though he makes good money, he’s basically on a fixed income.

I know it’s hard for him right now and he let me know that he’s not in a financial position to buy me a gift this year.  Here’s the thing, Christmas is my favorite holiday and I love gifts.  I know it may seem shallow, but I’m really struggling with this one.

Signed, Xmas Baby

Xmas Baby, I feel your struggle.  So many people, especially women, have an emotional attachment to holidays that outweigh any logic. Like you, I love Christmas and all the traditions that go along with it. It’s so easy to get caught up in the lights, decorations, songs and sales. At the same time, the true spirit of Christmas has been pimped into a commercial holiday about getting stuff instead of the sacred holiday that emphasizes the love, sacrifice and giving spirit of Christ.  Let me give you some Deya Direction if I may.

•    Deya Directive 1: The first question to consider: why is he your sweetie in the first place? In other words, what are the qualities that you like/love about him? List the top five qualities that he has which makes him a good love interest.  If those top five qualities outweigh your need for a gift for one day of the week, then don’t lose your love over a holiday that’s been commercialized, and puts pressure on people beyond what they can afford.  After all, a bottle of perfume can’t keep you warm at night, make you laugh, or wipe your tears away.

•    Deya Directive 2:  Be honest. Be honest with yourself and with him about how you really feel. As shallow as it may be, if this is a deal breaker for you, then you have to own it and don’t settle. If you do, you may eventually resent him. Because guess what? His kids aren’t going anywhere.

DEAR DEYA: What If Your Sweetheart Can’t Afford to Get You a Christmas Present?  was originally published on

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