About half of all American adults (48%, according to a Marist poll taken in December) say they are at least somewhat likely to make a New Year’s resolution this year. Their top vows: to lose weight (19%), quit smoking (12%) and exercise more (10%). Sound familiar? But consider this: if hard-core addicts can break bad habits – some by moderating, not just quitting – there’s still hope for you. Whether your goal for 2010 is to get fit or tame your drinking, experts say there’s a lot you can learn from people who have successfully moderated their habits to help keep you off the resolution merry-go-round.
1. Don’t Kid Yourself
“The most important thing is to be honest with yourself,” says Howard Josepher, a former heroin addict and president of Exponents Inc., an organization that provides support and educational services to people with substance misuse issues. “You need to know the difference between enjoying yourself and self-medicating. It’s not that self-medicating is necessarily bad – but you should give yourself parameters. If you are adhering to them, O.K. If not, you need to check yourself.” (See the year in health 2009.) Successful moderators decide in advance how much is “too much” – and stick to their limit, no matter what. Have a cookie a day, if that’s what you’ve deemed acceptable. But if you “cheat” by having “just one more,” know that you are only cheating yourself and exacerbating the problem, experts say. The point is to learn how to hold yourself accountable.
2. Quit Cold Turkey – Temporarily
“Theoretically, there are very good reasons to take a break from a behavior, totally,” says Reid Hester, director of research at Behavior Therapy Associates, explaining that an initial period of complete abstinence can make it easier for people to moderate behavior, by eliminating the habitual, automatic aspect of the unwanted activity.Take a cue from the self-help group Moderation Management (MM), which advises problem drinkers to abstain completely for a month before attempting moderate drinking. If you can’t achieve a month of abstinence, the thinking goes, successful moderation is unlikely. The best way to stay on course is frequent self-monitoring; use as many behavior-modification tools, support groups and programs as you can. In October, Hester and colleagues published a randomized controlled trial in the Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment comparing heavy drinkers who used MM’s website to help them quit with those who used the MM site plus another online tool, which teaches behavior-control tactics and helps chart drinking. While both groups significantly reduced their drinking and alcohol-related problems, the group that used the additional tool had more days abstinent and drank less when they drank.
4. Don’t Try to Scare Yourself Straight
Research shows that in the long term, the pleasure of victory is a better incentive than the agony of defeat. “Punishment is a poor motivator,” says Hester. “It sets people up for failure. If all you do is punish yourself for failure, you won’t stay motivated to change for very long.” Instead, reward yourself for sticking to your limits and focus on the benefits of changing. For instance, if your goal is to drink less or lose weight, treat yourself to something you want – a new book or DVD, say – each time you successfully resist a tempting dessert or achieve a goal, like a month of abstinence. Success tends to beget greater success. If you do slip back into old patterns, avoid recriminations. “Don’t say, ‘I can’t do it,'” says Marlatt. “People make mistakes. If you keep working at it, you will get better over time. That’s what the research shows.” For some people, trying to moderate bad habits is not achievable or takes more effort than abstaining altogether – as the philosopher Saint Augustine put it, “Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation.” Recognizing this by trying and failing can also be a critical step toward behavior change.
5. Get Better Friends
Consciously and unconsciously, people tend to imitate those around them. That’s why the latest research shows that things like happiness, quitting smoking and obesity can spread like a contagion through social networks. So, surround yourself with friends who can also be role models. “Make sure that people you hang out with are people who look and act the way you would like to. Social imitation is the easiest form not only of flattery but of self-improvement,” says Stanton Peele, author of Seven Tools to Beat Addiction. (Read “In Old Age, Friends Can Keep You Young. Really.”) Social support is critical to changing all kinds of behavior. Good friends can not only help you through slip-ups, but they can also help keep your New Year’s resolution from taking over your life. Rather than obsessing about what you shouldn’t be doing, think about things you should, experts say. The distraction will help you curb bad habits. “Focus on your higher goals and positive activities, things that both sustain you and fill your life,” says Peele. If you regularly engage in meaningful activities that give you pleasure – whether it’s visiting friends, picking up a hobby, taking a class or doing volunteer work (one of the most overlooked sources of personal joy and meaning is helping others) – you’ll simply have less time to crave or engage in the behavior that you want to reduce.