VIA BLACK VOICES:
Forget that the recent wedding reception of Tampa, Fla., couple Tasha Johnson and Markeith Brown was held at a restaurant called the Rusty Pelican — it was apparently a classy, fairy tale-themed event, complete with a horse and carriage, romantic vows exchanged at an oceanside gazebo and a ballroom reception.
The affair remained classy until around 9 p.m., when Tampa police say Brown began throwing money on the dance floor for children to pick up, which angered one of his guests. When the groom and his brother asked the guest to leave, a fight broke out that escalated and spilled into the parking lot. Cops came — but it doesn’t end there. After guests left, the fight started up again in a hotel parking lot, where the groom’s 74-year-old grandmother was put in a choke hold after trying to break up the brawl.
At least one person has been arrested and one was treated in the emergency room as a result of this wedding brawl, but you might be happy to learn that Tasha and Markeith, “the money thrower,” are enjoying their honeymoon in the Bahamas right now. They might not be any worse for the wear after their wedding gone wrong, but if you want to avoid making some major mistakes — as either a bride, a groom or a wedding guest — pay attention to the following five things you should never do at a wedding.
1) THROWING MONEY AT YOUR GUESTS: It can be a cultural tradition for the bride and groom to do a “money” or “dollar” dance at a wedding, but sprinkling dollar bills on a crowd of people, aka “making it rain,” is a totally different story and is never a good idea (see: Jones, Pacman). Also, as generous as it might be, it’s pretty gross to give money to your guests in the same manner that you gave out money to the dancers at your bachelor party.
2) GET BOOZY & BELLIGERENT: If treated responsibly, open bars are nice accents to a fun wedding. If treated irresponsibly, well, see above. There’s really no better way to ruin what is supposed to be the best day of two peoples’ lives than to get drunk and start throwing blows. On days like these, family ties come undone. The bride will call the police on you.
3) SCREW UP THE TOAST: Write notes. Don’t have too many drinks beforehand. Remove all thoughts of his or her exes from your mind. Be discreet. Because if you call the bride by the groom’s ex-girlfriend’s name or let it slip that she’s in her first trimester, she’ll never let you come to the house again. Ever.
4) HIT ON SOMEONE INAPPROPRIATE: It should go without saying that the groom’s grandmother is off limits, right? It’s hard to be single at a wedding, but there’s no rule that says you have to find someone to hook up with at every wedding celebration you attend. Relax.
5) BE TACKY: Of course, tacky people don’t necessarily know they’re tacky. But if you don’t do any of the things that this family in the UK did for their 16-year-old daughter’s wedding last year, then you at least know you won’t have the tackiest wedding the world has ever seen.