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3. One person wasn’t marriage material.

Everyone is just not meant to be married. Some people are much better living alone and dealing with the issues that come with that than they are living with someone else and dealing with the issues that come with that. And the someone is not always male. Some women are looking to be married for social cachet, so they don’t have to be tagged with the “baby mama” label or because they need security or validation. Whether you’re male or female ask yourself the hard question – do you really want to be married and deal with the compromises it entails? Are you caught up in fantasies that have little do to with who you and your partner are? You can be in a committed relationship without marriage. You can be partnered without a ring. You can live a happy life as a single. Figure out who you are and where you stand before you take that walk down the aisle. As anyone married can tell you, it’s easier to get in than to get out.

4. You didn’t have the support you needed to make it through the rough times.

Every relationship has its rough times. Things happen, people grow and change and no one escapes family drama. You don’t have to and probably shouldn’t share every detail of your intimate relationship with others, but when the going gets really tough, who can you confide in who isn’t judgmental and has no ulterior motive or hidden agendas? (This is for those of you who share your relationship issues with exes. Probably not the best idea.) Whether its your pastor, your mother, your sister or ideally a trusted couple who model a happy, healthy relationship, sometimes you need another perspective on marital woes. That support can help you get over the hump of the inevitable challenges.

5. You were in love with the idea of marriage but not the reality.

You thought that putting a ring on it was going to make your life a magical fairy tale. You thought that providing the ring meant that your “baby” would never change and that you had found the perfect soul mate that would love you unconditionally. Ummm, no. That’s not how it works. Some folks want the wedding. Some folks believe in a fantasy of happily ever after. Some folks think that behavior that they couldn’t stand or problems that they didn’t resolve before the wedding will magically be solved by a diamond and a white dress. If you are thinking along those lines, be prepared to add to a divorce lawyer’s children’s college tuition fund because chances are, this trip down the aisle is one you’ll end up regretting.


Why Didn’t I Get (Or Stay) Married?  was originally published on

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