Welcome to the first installment of HelloBeautiful’s new series “Diaries of a Skinny Fat Girl.” Each week HelloBeautiful will go underneath the skinny jeans and loose fitting shirts of our readers to uncover their battles of the bulge. This week we met The Media Maven who will fad diet to lose five pounds.
Weekly Goals: Successfully complete the Sacred Heart Diet. Work out 4 times this week. Lose 5lbs…at least
6:30 a.m.: I woke up with full intentions of either working out in my living room or going to the gym. It’s too cold and I decided I can still work out if I sleep for 45 more minutes. I turn over and press snooze.
7:30 a.m.: If I get up now I can still work out. I whisper to myself to wake up…it’s not working. I roll over again. I fail.
8:15 a.m.: I’m now awake and at risk for being late to work. After a quick shower, I prepare for my first day of doing the Sacred Heart Diet. I pack up the vegetable soup I cooked last night before bed and grab enough fruit for an entire day out of the refrigerator. I keep an apple out to eat on the walk to the train. I feel in control, I got this.
10:30 a.m.: The morning is flying and I have eaten almost all of my watermelon and cantaloupes. The healthiness of it is making me feel inspired. Also, I’m so busy at work having food within my reach prevents me from silly idle missions like lunch or snack breaks. Again, I got this.
1:00 p.m.: I finally get up and go over to the lunch room and microwave my vegetable soup. Someone in the lunch room is eating pizza. I look and smell with envy.
1:15 p.m.: I’ve eaten the soup. I can’t say I’m fulfilled but I’m also not hungry. I have two hours of meetings ahead of me so I’m almost through the day. Thank God.
6:30 p.m.: Those meetings were brutal and my stomach was growling so much I thought someone was going to call on me for comments. I have eaten the soup and all of my fruit. I have nothing left. I’m going home to work out and eat strawberries.
8:00 p.m.: I’m not working out today and I’m ok with it. I almost killed an entire carton of strawberries. I ate more soup. I decide it does not taste good. I read more of “The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest.” Sleep.
6:30 a.m.: I tell myself to get up and work out. Unfortunately it’s raining outside and it’s not going to happen.
8:00 a.m.: Feeling more energetic this morning so I take more time getting dressed. I even wear super high boots, which I’m going to regret as I take that 15 minute walk to the train.
8:15 a.m.: I’m feeling hungry but today is vegetable day. I can only eat the soup and vegetables.
1:00 p.m.: I’m running across the street to the salad bar to get as many delicious vegetables as I can. I load up on asparagus, green beans and salad.
6:00 p.m.: I grab another salad from a deli around the job before heading home. The diet says I can eat as many veggies as I want and hey, I’m hungry again.
6:30 p.m.: I’m home and dressed for a workout. I’m just about to start when I check the Sacred Heart Diet plan and realize I get to eat a baked potato tonight. I am elated! I wrap my potato in foil and plop it in the oven.
7:25 p.m.: I made it through the entire tape. I stopped twice for air and water. I’m tired but my body feels amazing and is thanking me for my hard work. Now my taste buds will thank me for this potato.
6:30 a.m.: As usual the alarm goes off. As usual I don’t get up and work out.
8:30 a.m.: I wake up and curse loudly. I slept way too long and now I’m going to be late. I also need to spend extra time on my hair today because I worked out last night and sweated it out. It’s also time for a relaxer. My hair is short and I fear I look like a chia pet.
12:30 p.m.: Today I get to eat fruits, veggies & soup. I go to the salad bar and get an assortment of veggies and brussel sprouts. As I eat them my co-workers complain endlessly about the aroma. I’m also feeling kind of gassy. Good thing I sit in the back of the office.
7:00 p.m.: I go to the bathroom and glance in the mirror on the way out. I’m feeling slimmer already. The Sacred Heart Diet says I should have lost 5 pounds by today. I feel like I have–even if it was just water.
7:45 p.m.: I’m at The Standard with the bff who’s in from out of town. She orders a meal paid for by her celebrity boss. I order a wedge salad. She order grilled cheese and fries. When the food comes I am sad but proud of myself.
9:30 p.m.: The celebrity boss is taking everyone to Sofritos a darling east side Puerto-Rican restaurant that has the most amazing paella and empanadas. Of course everything will be free. I’m about to have a serious downward spiral….
11:00 p.m.: I’m at Sofritos. I have not ordered a drink…yet. The Celebrity Boss has ordered family style plates of appetizers for the table. Suddenly, fried chicken, calamari, empanadas and other deliciousness is sitting in front of me.
11:01 p.m.: Suddenly I’m eating some type of nacho with shrimp and avocado on it and filling up a plate with little mini chicken wings. I reason with myself that vanity is not worth passing up on a paid dinner by Celebrity Boss with my closest friends at Sofritos.
11:15 p.m.: I order a glass of Sauvignon Blanc.
12:00 p.m.: Celebrity Boss is taking the gang to the Boom-Boom Room. I can barely hold my eyes open so I make my first responsible decision of the evening. I go home. I don’t feel guilty in the slightest but I vow to work out in the morning.
6:30 a.m.: The alarm clock goes off. This time I get up. I am motivated by guilt but still I get up.
6:45 a.m.: I work out for 40 minutes. I’m back on the horse…
9:00 a.m.: I’ve eaten an apple. I have broken the Sacred Heart Diet and I’m not sure if I should start over or just say forget it. The soup is getting soggy and today is banana and milk day. I hate bananas and I’m lactose intolerant.
9:30 a.m.: I ate a banana. That is all.
12 p.m.: I have a little bowl of Chicken Noodle soup on my desk that I brought in a few weeks ago. I decide to warm it up in the lunchroom. It’s Thursday and I have even more meetings that I do on Tuesdays. I’m swamped and don’t have time to think about food.
6:20 p.m.: I have no idea what happened in the last few hours. Time to go meet the Almost-Boyfriend so we can go to the birthday party. I got to Au Bon Pain and get a fruit cup.
8:00 p.m.: I realize I basically haven’t eaten anything today and I’m starving. Almost boyfriend and I got to eat at Dos Caminos.
8:10 p.m.: I order a glass of Rioja. I’m so tired and such an emotional wreck I realize that I actually physically require wine to hold myself together.
8:15 p.m.: I toy with the idea of salad but get shrimp and rice instead. It seems light and I do not feel guilty.
8:30 p.m.: I drink my wine and pour my sorrows out to the Almost-Boyfriend.
8:45 p.m.: Our food comes and I eat every last drop of mine AND some of the Almost-Boyfriends. His is better than mine. I am not pleased.
9:15 p.m.: We head out to go home. I have a complete emotional breakdown. I’m stressed out and tired. Perhaps this isn’t the time to be guilting myself about food and exercise.
6:30 a.m.: I wake up feeling better and craving a breakfast sandwich. I don’t have one.
12:00 p.m.: I order three Sushi rolls for lunch. I really wanted it.
5:30 p.m.: I have a meeting and decide it’s Friday and I want to leave work early. Across the street, I have two glasses of wine, chips and guacamole and we share a shrimp quesadilla. I do not feel guilty.
8:00 p.m.: Me and the Almost-Boyfriend meet up for birthday party number two of the week. He’s a trooper. I have another glass of wine or two…I can’t remember.
10:00 p.m.: Party-time is over. I’m completely un-invested in monitoring my eating today so much so that I can’t remember if I ate again.
1:30 p.m.: Lazy Saturday means I don’t eat until midday. I make an smoked-salmon omelet with Swiss cheese. It’s delicious.
7:00 p.m.: I drag Almost-Boyfriend to dinner in the city. We go to this fabulous Italian restaurant called De Andrea that I’ve been meaning to try for years.
7:15 p.m.: I order smoked salmon penne pasta…and a glass of wine.
7:30 p.m.: I eat every ounce of my pasta. I am happy.
3 p.m.: I arrive home and I am starving. I have eaten nothing all day. I decided I’m going to burgers with the birthday girl later so I cook myself and Omelet with feta and make a small salad. I am content.
6 p.m.: The birthday girl and I go to dinner. I order the biggest most amazing turkey burger with Swiss and mushrooms. Any thoughts of the Sacred Heart Diet have long since faded away. Oh and I had a glass of red wine. Again, I do not feel guilty.
TOTALS: 2 ½ successful days of dieting, 1 night of sheer foodie bliss, 1day of reasonable eating, 1 day of complete disregard for my waistline, 2 days “eat what you want, it’s the weekend food” = 1 failed week of Sacred Heart Dieting, 2 workouts and 0 weight loss.