The Friendship Formula: A Guide to Cultivating Healthy Friendships
Friendship’s Secret Sauce: The Ingredients for a Lasting Bond
Source: Pedro Merino Higueras / Getty
Second only to romantic relationships, friendships are a dynamic I love exploring because there is so much to reflect on. If we’re honest with ourselves, cultivating healthy friendships and building community as believers isn’t easy. Some morals, values, and expectations we set for romantic relationships are the same for friendships, though they may look different in practice. As men and women of faith, it’s impossible to journey through life without developing a few or even a group of healthy, sustainable friendships. But what does that look like for us? How do we create and, more importantly, maintain them?
I’ve had my fair share of friendship breakups—wounds that cut more profound than those from romantic relationships. I’ve experienced unmet expectations, disappointment, betrayal, and pain. From a victim’s perspective, it would be hard to see how these experiences, though not intended by God, were used by Him to refine my character. God may not always plan these traumatic or painful moments for men and women of faith, but He allows them due to the sins of others and uses them for our good. These breakups revealed areas of my life that needed exploration, places I wouldn’t have discovered without those painful experiences.
Our environments greatly influence the types of friendships we form, contributing to the relationships we cultivate. With this in mind, we must be mindful of our surroundings and set realistic expectations for building relationships. Some of the healthiest friendships I’ve developed recently have come from my church, Harvest Fields Community Church in the Bronx. The culture at HFCC is warm, supportive, and nurturing, with members passionate about sharing the gospel, advancing the Kingdom, and meeting the community’s needs. Our mission to reveal God, reach people, and restore lives creates a supportive, Kingdom-minded, and loving community. Out of this environment, I’ve found friendships with men and women of God who have restored my faith in the community, especially within the church.
Before my time at HFCC, I didn’t realize how much a church’s culture could shape the dynamics of the friendships I built. But as I reflect on this, I see how essential a healthy community is for developing meaningful friendships.
On the flip side, working in the fashion industry made it difficult to form healthy friendships due to the toxicity of many environments where I found myself. I often encountered surface-level relationships based on the mentality of “What can you do for me?” These friendships lacked depth; once I left those spaces, the relationships faded with my absence.
Another critical factor in cultivating healthy friendships is assessing the morals and values of those we consider friends. When Paul says in 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness,” he isn’t only talking about romantic relationships or marriages. In the historical context of this scripture, Paul is addressing the church in Corinth, a city rich in luxury, immorality, and wealth. The church was made up of both Jews and Gentiles, and Paul was concerned about the influence of Corinth’s surrounding culture of greed, lust, and immorality on the church. This concern is passionately expressed in both 1st and 2nd Corinthians.
In 2 Corinthians 6:14, Paul encourages believers to avoid being influenced and yoked with unbelievers because he recognizes the dangers this could bring. In the same way, we must be discerning and cautious about who we connect with and consider friends. Cultivating healthy friendships requires evaluating the values and morals of potential friends. In Paul’s case, he warned the church against associating with those influenced by greed and immorality. Similarly, we must pay attention to the fruit our prospective friends bear if we want to develop meaningful, healthy relationships.
In conclusion, building and maintaining healthy friendships is vital to the life of a believer. To achieve this, we must be aware of our environments and practice discernment, intentionality, and a foundation rooted in shared values and faith. Positioning ourselves in healthy spaces increases our chances of fostering solid friendships. Just as Paul warned the church at Corinth about the consequences of being yoked with the wrong people, we must do the same. Developing healthy friendships takes time, effort, mutual respect, and shared goals. Even after experiencing betrayal and heartbreak, I know that building and cultivating healthy friendships is not only possible but essential.
Sade Solomon is a NYC-based social media personality and multi-hyphenate creator who boldly and fashionably ignites authentic and candid conversations on topics surrounding intercourse, singleness, and abstinence. After embarking on her journey of abstinence in 2013, Sade began openly sharing her life-changing commitment on various online platforms while enlightening and inspiring many through her journey. In her book, Ready, Set, Wait, Sade peels back the layers of truth about navigating singleness and abstinence as a single Christian woman. Her work and commentary have been featured by Good Morning America, Harper’s Bazaar, Essence, Black Love, and XO Necole.
DON’T MISS…
How to Recover from a Friendship Breakup
Exploring Platonic Relationships Between Men and Women: Can Men And Women Be Just Friends?
Friendship’s Secret Sauce: The Ingredients for a Lasting Bond was originally published on elev8.com
