Chidera Eggerue blogs as @TheSlumflower, and started the #SaggyBoobsMatter movement. Her debut book is out this summer.
Here was her advice to a woman whose boyfriend won’t commit to her:
Q: I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now, and although he is my best friend and we have a lot in common…I’m starting to feel insecure in the romantic sense. He’s moving away soon, so it’ll be a long distance relationship, and I don’t think I can deal with the distance as I don’t know how secure we are. You know what I mean? He’s never once said where he sees me in his future, and when I ask, he just says he “doesn’t like to talk about the future.” But how can I commit to a long distance relationship when it might end up fizzling out anyway? That said, we share so many hobbies and he genuinely makes me laugh like no one else ever has. Sometimes I wish we had just stayed friends as the romantic element is a struggle – but I crave romance! Please help!
A: Just because someone is nice, just because you are enjoying yourself, just because you feel “happy”, it doesn’t mean you are giving yourself what you deserve. This man does not know what he wants. Indecision is still a decision. If he does not see you as a strong enough option at this point, he simply is not going to be able to live up to what you deserve if you manage to find a way to “make it work”. Moments like this remind me of why I am grateful for timing. Certain things happen to lead us to the side of ourselves that need work, nurturing, and healing. This sudden distance has appeared between you and your boyfriend because it’s time to nourish yourself! But he needs this distance too. He sounds like he’s got some healing to do.