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Dear Deya Direct:

To be completely honest with you, I am not feeling this holiday season.  I’m single, in my 30’s and tired of spending the holidays alone.  It’s getting overwhelming because as much as I’m proud to be an independent woman, when it comes to the holidays, being by yourself is for the birds.

I really am not interested in yet another girls night out, hanging out with other couples and being the odd-man out, or even being with family, only for them to ask me the typical questions like: When are you getting married, do you want kids, etc., etc.?


Holiday Blues

Miss Holiday Blues, when I tell you that I understand your dilemma, I do, I have been where you are. Let me tell you how I handled it and actually worked through my holiday blues.  Hopefully, this will help you get through this very emotional season.

  • Deya Directive 1: Embrace Your Reality. How you feel is how you feel, own it, accept it, and then decide what you’re going to do to make this the best holiday possible for yourself.
  • Deya Directive 2:  Change Your Atmosphere. Normally, I don’t encourage people to escape from what they are dealing with, but there are times when you need a break, you need to get away and change the atmosphere.

Many years ago, when I went through a divorce, I felt similar to you about the holidays. I was sad and celebrating in the traditional way was not working.  Guess what I did?  I went to Vegas!  It was a total change of atmosphere and I had a ball.

If for some reason, you can’t travel, try something like a movie marathon.  Get lost in the things that you like and make you feel good.  Watch your favorite comedies — laugh a lot until it’s another day.  Just doing something fun and different may be just what your heart needs right now. Have an untraditional holiday on your own terms.  You may discover or create new traditions for yourself.  It worked for me.

  • Deya Directive 3: Recover.  Once you’ve soothed your soul, and entertained yourself, it will take the edge off and life will look a little brighter.  Then take one day at a time accepting that you get to create the life that you want for yourself.

Taking a day or two off may seem insignificant but it’s not.  These are moments when you get to create your own happiness; you get to love on yourself.  When you do that, you’re actually demonstrating that you’re loveable, first and foremost by you.  As a result, you are creating the atmosphere for others to enter into a loving self –satisfied space that is you.  Celebrating the gift of your life is indeed a personal holiday.  Enjoy!

Deya “Direct” Smith is a lead producer on the Tom Joyner Morning Show and host of Girlfriend FM & Beyond the Studio celebrity interviews. She is also the best-selling author of Touch Yourself, 30 Ways to Live, Love and Let Go (!  Deya is a life-changing coach, writer and speaker. If you have a question about life, love or relationships email

DEAR DEYA: What Do the Lonely Do at Christmas or New Year’s?  was originally published on