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I often hear Men say “I need a woman to submit to me” or “Women these days don’t know how to submit to their man”. Statements like these confuse me, mostly because I’m not sure what they are getting at. Are they saying they want a woman to serve them? Are they saying that women need to know their place? I’m honestly not sure.

This has been one of the biggest debates in the African-American community. Ever since the “Help Black women get a man” movement began about 10 years ago,men have been screaming “Submit” at the top of their lungs. Every relationship panel, discussion forum, TV special or whatever it’s usually one of the first things that comes out of a man’s mouth. So I decided to do a little research on this one. What does the word “Submit” mean when it comes to marriage? When I asked around about this, most men directed me to the bible.

Well the good book says in Ephesians 5, “…wives, submit to your husbands, as unto to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”


Now I am not an expert on the Bible! I just want to make that VERY clear. There are millions of people out there that are a lot more familiar with the Bible and have studied it a lot closer than me. With that being said, to me this sounds kind of old school but I do get the point. I don’t like the word Submit. I’ve said this many times. The word Submit means to give over or yield to the power or authority of another. I just don’t think that’s how relationships work, especially today. Also this goes back to the classic “Head of the house hold” discussion. Who do you want to take the leadership role in your family? Ladies if you want that to be the man then you have to give him breathing room to make decisions. In other words let him do his thing. Now with that being said I do believe that it will always be a team effort. It’s the only way it can work in my opinion. You have to figure out a way to make this work best for your family without making the other person uncomfortable. This can be done with good old effort and communication.

Now! There is more to Ephesians 5 and Its goes a little something like this..

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.He that loveth his wife loveth himself.For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.”

After reading this I wonder, how many of the men that scream “Women need to learn how to submit” Have read this part and are actually willing to do this? If really you want a woman to “Submit” to you, are you willing to give her your all? Are you willing to prove that you are worthy of being “Submitted” to? Do you know how to prove this to her? Why would a woman just want to submit to a man she doesn’t fully trust? Think about what you are asking her to do. You are asking her to basically give you the keys to the car, the house and the damn safe! I understand how the ladies may be a little hesitant to give up that power.

Submitting is not a part of dating. Its impossible. It would be stupid for a woman to give up that much power while getting to know you? It’s up to us as men to start acting like men and show women that we worthy of possibly heading a house hold (Or at least entering a partnership). She shouldn’t have to assume this,she should know this! So we have to ask ourselves, if a woman is having a hard time trusting us behind the wheel, why does she feel that way? Could it because we to often put the cart before the horse? Submit to me before even knowing me. Give me your all before I even give you half. This makes no sense. Lets do better fellas. I’m not saying women are perfect and don’t play a role in the “Civil war” between us. Trust me they will get their share or criticism but this one is for us. If you are serious about finding a quality woman, stop talking and start doing.

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