VIA ALMOST A DAD:
10 things not to say to a pregnant woman:
1. “I think cankles are sexy.”
Insulting and sarcastic, this one will cost you. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term cankles, it is when a person’s ankles are as wide as their calves. Calves + ankles = cankles.
2. “Those stretch marks will go away, right?”
Women loath stretch marks and are sensitive about them. You’ll probably never see her naked again.
3. “I’m not going to buy you new clothes if you keep outgrowing them.”
Her credit card will probably start smoking soon from overuse during a spite-inspired shopping spree.
4. “Wow, that woman looks great for having two kids.”
You don’t say that to a woman who isn’t pregnant.
5. “Why are you so tired?”
She is going to tell you why. In great and graphic detail. She may use one of the pregnancy terms I mentioned before. “Well, maybe because my uterus is stretching to over 1,000 times its normal size!”
6. “What is wrong with you?”
Have you spoken to a woman before? Do you never learn?
7. “Will you get me something from the frigde?”
Unless she’s within relative proximity to the refrigerator, any item she retrieves from there will be delivered at high speed and aimed at your head.
8. “You’re starting to move like a [anything]. ”
Brace yourself, she will both hit you and cry, but not necessarily in that order.
9. “You’re not as much fun as you used to be.”
This will go one of two ways, either silence or verbal tirade from her. Either way, don’t expect to talk to her for at least another ten minutes. If it does go the way of the tirade, expect some more pregnancy vocab words.
10. “Are you really going to eat that whole sundae / sandwich / pizza ?”
Don’t make a fat joke. Don’t make a fat joke. Don’t make a fat joke. Just make sure you’re not making her feel self conscious about eating and that she does get proper nutrition.
