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You’ve got questions? He’s got answers! Need advice?

Send your questions to Terrance:

Dear Gay Best Friend,

Please offer any advice you can. Thanks

OK, I have been in a relationship with a man for seven years. He is 27 and I’m 26, and we have a 4-year old daughter together. For the most part our relationship is good. I have never caught him cheating, he’s always been there for me and my daughter financial, and he’s there on holidays. We spend time with his family and my family on holidays, as well as friends, so no problem there. Every now and then we talk about our future, but not as much as I would like. We haven’t discussed marriage at all. I don’t want to bring it up and run him away because I understand that both of us are still fairly young, but I do want to be his wife.

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The problem is sex. I’ve noticed that we only have sex once a week, or once every 8 or 9 days. It’s been this way for at least the last two years I’d say. Now, in the beginning of the relationship we lived together, but we broke up and got back together, but continued to live separately. He use to perform oral sex on me, which is the only way I can get off, but he hasn’t in a while. It’s just kind of seems a little rushed. There have been times in the past when I brought up this issue to him and he had some great excuse, which kind of made sense, but not really.

I’ve been thinking that it’s me, but I can’t really figure it out. Since we’ve been together I look about the same. I’d say I’ve gain 10-15 pounds (in the right places), my attitude is different of course since I’m not a young anymore, but I have no idea what it is.

He is a good guy, has a job, owns some houses, handsome, has never disrespected me or my daughter, never heard any rumors, no females have never came to me with drama about him, his family loves me, and I can ask him for anything. So please help me figure out what the problem is. Now, he is the first man I’ve ever been with sexually, so I’m not a pro but I am willing to learn if I’m slacking, but we have to start having sex to practice right? LOL! Am I overreacting and is this normal in long-term relationships? I’ve never shared this with anyone because everyone thinks our relationship is perfect. So please give me some advice. Thank You. – Needs Some Spice

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Dear Ms. Needs Some Spice,

Honey, you need more than some spice. You need some sugar, honey, flavored oils, lubricants, toys, lingerie, and some fierce sex talk.

You know what, call your man right now and tell him how you want him to come over right now and, “______ the _____ out of me, right now!” And then I want you to whisper to him, “I need your big _____ and I want to ______ and ______ and ______ with it all night long!”

Chile, I don’t have time for this today. And, ugh! You’re working my nerves with this letter. All this “kind of” business. He use to perform oral, but it seems “kind of” rushed. You brought up the issue and he had some great excuses which “kind of” made sense. Chile, there is no such thing as “kind of”. Either you are or you aren’t. The oral sex isn’t “kind of” rushed, it is! The excuses don’t “kind of” make sense. They don’t. Stop being such a passive aggressive person. I just want to snatch you by the neck! I see why your man has been with you for 7 years and doing his own thing. You are just as complacent as that wig sitting on top of your head. Honey, you are the most feeble-minded person, I swear. All this I don’t want to disturb the waters nonsense has got to stop. You’re just going along and not even sure where you’re going. You’re just aimlessly riding on the yellow bus.

Girl, and this “I don’t want to bring up marriage and run him away.” Uhm, boo boo, you’ve been with the man for 7 YEARS! What the hell you scared of? Chile, I can’t do you weak spineless and timid women. You better speak up and say something. Are you scared of him? What is he going to say if you bring up marriage? SMDH, I can’t with you today.

Honey, I don’t understand this 7 years of being in relationship and no talk of marriage. Really! Really, girl? No wonder he is giving you these “kind of” excuses. Your behind is sitting up there telling yourself, no, let me rephrase that, you’ve convinced yourself, “Well, I got this picture perfect relationship, on the outside. He’s everything a woman would need and want. He’s got a job, home, and takes care of me and my daughter. He treats us well and our families know of one another, but I’m not sexually satisfied. He is not taking care of me in the bedroom and I’m frustrated.” You’re really afraid to speak up because you think another woman is going to swoop in and get him. Chile, let me tell you something, if he is your man, HE IS YOUR MAN! Nobody, or nothing can take what is deemed for you. And, trust me, if he isn’t doing you, then he is doing somebody! BAM! BOOM! POW!

I love how you took the blame for his lack of sexual energy or interest. So you really think it’s you? Hmph! When you used to live together, he performed frequently, but you broke up, he moved into his own place, you got back together and continue to live separately, and your sex life is as frequent as once a week or every 8 or 9 days, and he doesn’t really perform oral on you. So, I’m going to ask you again, do you think you’re the problem, or him? And, if your sex life isn’t what it used to be, or how it was, and it’s not fascinating and he’s going through the motions, then, I don’t know sweetie, but I figure he is either getting it someplace else, or he is disinterested. But, again, ponder this, if he isn’t doing you, then where do you think he is getting it from? I’ll wait for you to think about it.

Look, Ms. Needs Some Spice, if you need some good head, and schlong in your life, you better tell your man. A closed and unused vagina doesn’t get fed. If he rates as a 10 for being a good man, and you want the bedroom to match, then you’ve got some work to do. You can bring the “A” game and upgrade your sex life. And, as I’ve said before, get you some scented lubricant oils and gels and start working the magic. Honey, get to Victoria Secretions and get you some sexy lingerie, lots of crotch-less ones, and some fierce pumps. Don’t let your lack thereof, nor your inexperience, prevent you from bringing out the inner freak in you. I see her screaming at the door demanding that you let her out. Start using your imagination and get into some role-playing. Be the naughty girl who is sent to the principal’s office. Or, better yet, be the renter in one of his houses who is late with the payment and you’re willing to do whatever to stay for another month. Girl, you better hit it to book store, or the sex shop and get you some books on various positions, and some toys (handcuffs, vibrators, dildos, and whips and spikes) and let your inner freak be released. And, watch some porn. Honey, those tricks can definitely teach you a thing or two. Don’t be afraid to explore. You’re trying to come off as the good girl in this letter, and although your man may like a good girl, he may also want a bad girl sometimes, too. And, stop being afraid to open your mouth. Speak up and tell him about your needs, and ask him about his. Find out what his fantasies are, and start making them a reality. And, get out of the bedroom, start exploring different parts of the house like the kitchen, bathroom, basement, outdoors, the stairs, or even get out of the house and go someplace romantic. Girl, I’m done. I don’t have time for you special needs children today. Class is dismissed! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

How would you spice up your sex life if your man or woman wasn’t servicing your needs?

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!

Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!