You’ve got questions? He’s got answers! Need advice?
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Dear Gay Best Friend,
For as long as I’ve been dating, I’ve always seemed to attract men in relationships. Some say it’s the wall I have built up that initially lets guys know that I don’t want anything more than the physical.
I have had a pretty rough past with men and I am holding my emotions and everything else back from keeping me from dating and letting loose. Men always assume that I am the girl that doesn’t want commitment and I want nothing but sex. Not true.
I’ve been off & on with a man that’s in the industry. And of course it just so happens that he is engaged to his long-time girlfriend of many years. They live together, and I know that she is “wifey” and I have been on the side. I am NOT a groupie. I never ask for money, never ask for him to take me out, hell, I don’t want nothing from him. Nothing, but his love and time. Which is given to me 45% of the time.
Whenever he asks for something, I give in. I open up with him. He makes me feel a certain way I’ve never felt. He gives me butterflies. We spend hours talking on the phone and I spend time with him when I can at his studio that he practically lives in.
I have grown to love him and it kills me whenever I see her and him out at a function together. I pretend like I don’t even know him and vice-versa. It hurts. We have amazing chemistry and I love being around him. We have not slept together. We’ve shared intimate kisses which to me is actually worse than intercourse.
My girlfriends hate that I’ve kept him around for over a year. His friends love me and don’t even care or say anything is wrong. It’s hard for me to look or be interested in other guys when all I want is him. It’s like I have a little bit of hope. Maybe he’ll leave her for me?
I can’t let go. I know I’m foolish but when I love, I love for real. As cliché as that sounds. Should I let go of what we have because of his girlfriend? Help! – The “Other” Girl
Dear Ms. The Other Girl,
Sigh! (Looks up to the Heavens and screams, “Why, dear Lawd, why?”)
I don’t understand you side pieces and jump-offs who know the situation going in, but once you catch feelings then all of sudden you want to be the main chick. YOU WILL NEVER BE THE MAIN CHICK. NEVER EVER.
Girl, I can’t and I’m so done that I really don’t want to answer your letter, but I feel there are so many women out there who are like you who want to have a pity party where you’re the victims of unrequited (I’ll give you a minute to look that word up) love. If you’re giving 100% of yourself to someone who is only giving you 45% of themselves, uhm, darling, you should never make someone a priority when they make you an option.
You say you can’t let go, uhm, boo boo, yes you can. You don’t want to let go. Chile, I swear you silly broads don’t read or comprehend common sense language, or reality. Your life is a series of your own unfortunate creation. Yes, Ms. Chicken Head, your so-called wall you’ve built and this affinity for attracting men in relationships is because you are what you attract. Duh! It’s the law of the universe. What you put out, you get in return. If you think you don’t deserve greatness, worthiness, happiness, pure love, joy, and monogamy, then guess what you will get? Yup, you get what you got! BAMN! BOOM! POW!
Let me ask you something? Did you complete middle school? Did your teachers let you slide through high school? I’m just asking, because I’m gathering that your comprehension level is below average, and I’m talking about Third World average. Here is your statement from your letter, “I never ask for money, never ask for him to take me out, hell, I don’t want nothing from him. Nothing, but his love and time.” If you don’t want nothing, then guess what you will get? The universe responds to what you say. You’re getting exactly what you’re asking for. And, stop being delusional talking about you have amazing chemistry. You really are stuck on stupid. I’m going to enroll you in special ed. classes immediately.
But, you know what, I know what really happened. It’s generally the case with most jump-offs and side pieces. You see what he is doing for the main girl, and you want those benefits. He’s taking her out to restaurants, movies, events, and gatherings and you feel you should be there. Whenever he calls, you jump to his beckon call. That’s because you don’t have a life and sit home awaiting his call or text. However, you can only call or text him at certain times, hours, and days. He complains to you what his main girl won’t do, and to prove your love and loyalty to him, you do the things she won’t like sucking his penis and swallowing. You take it in the butt. If he needs you to run an errand for him, you happily oblige. When he complains about his girl, you give him an attentive ear, listening for ways to not be like her. So you stroke his ego, and make him feel good about himself. All the while, he is dumping all of his drama, stress, and aggression on you, and yes, you love taking it in because you feel you are being supportive and nurturing and loving. And, one day he is going to drop his girl and run into your loving awaiting arms. That’s your role as a jump-off and side piece. LMBAO!
Honey, you women will learn. Stop being a doormat and letting these men walk all over you. But, you can’t help it because you’re so desperate to be with a man that you will take a piece of a man, sharing someone else’s man, and claim him as your own. SMDH! You are a silly trick and tricks are always being played. Girl, I want to drop kick you in the back of your neck. And, how the hell you’re going to justify this crazy –ish by saying his friends love you and they don’t care or say anything is wrong. Think about that statement. No really think about it. Why would they care? If he’s doing it, then guess what, so are they. Dumbass!
Look, Ms. The Other Girl, he is not going to leave his woman for you. He is enjoying the attention you give him, and trust me, there are several other women giving him the same attention, especially if you say he is in the industry. You’re not the only one. Sure, he makes you feel special, that’s what a player does. He makes you feel like you’re the only one in the world, and I’m sure he’s told you that if the timing was right, different, or better then you would be the lucky girl. LOL! Girl, stop playing yourself and get yourself together. If you don’t want to be someone’s jump-off or side piece then stop acting like one. I know it’s hard because that’s all you know. So from this day moving forward, when you meet men who are in relationships, just walk away, cross the street, and keep strutting. Don’t entertain them, engage them, or stop to speak. Keep it moving. But, I get the feeling you’re not going to change, because it’s hard to turn a hoe into a housewife. I’m just saying. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
How many of you would date someone who is engaged, despite knowing the situation going in, and want to have a relationship with them?
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Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!