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Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have been single for almost 3 years and I believe I finally met a guy who is worth my time and energy. He recently moved to Atlanta (where I live) and we have been getting along great! We have a tad bit of history because I knew him when I lived in Ohio. In fact, I went to school with his sister and he went to school with my brother. Things sound like they are all peachy, but they are not!
The problem is, he told me a couple of days ago that his ex-girlfriend lives down here. Now, I am not the jealous type so I was ok with that. Then yesterday, he says that Sunday is like his family day! I asked him what he meant and he said that he goes over to her house and spends time with her son while she does his laundry and cooks him dinner. I did not know what to say to him after that! He doesn’t even call her his ex, he still refers to her as “MY GIRL!” I honestly do not know what to do about this situation! I like him, but I don’t want to have to share him with an EX and a child that is not his!!! Please help me! – Trying To Be Understanding
Dear Ms. Trying To Be Understanding,
I officially quit this –ish! Your letter is the reason why I don’t fool with y’all so damn early, and especially filling up my inbox with these nonsense letters about some man who you think you’re seeing and he tells you he spends family day with his ex and her child. And, he refers to her as his girl. (Blank stare **) Spin the wheel and buy a F-ing clue!
Is he really worth your time and energy? Really, sweetie? Come on now, you’re not serious are you? I swear there must be a farm where they raise women like you without a brain and no sense. Oh, yeah, Perdue farms!
Girl, he is not your man, not worth your time, and clearly not worth your energy. I mean, really, Ms. Thang, it’s a coincidence that his ex-girlfriend lives in Atlanta. SHOCKING! (Gasps as I put my hand over my mouth. Then the Blank stare **) He’s clearly pulled the wool over your eyes, well it’s that blond weave with purple highlights that’s preventing you from seeing what’s so obvious. Let me clear my throat and say this loudly for you – HE MOVED TO ATLANTA TO BE WITH HIS EX. Yes, do-do brains! In order to reconcile or rekindle whatever love they had, he made it his business to track her down, move to Atlanta, and continue playing house, with you as the side piece concubine until he’s back with his ex. WAKE UP and stop being desperate for a man. Chile, I can smell that cheap perfume you’re wearing and it’s wreaking through the computer – it’s eau de toilet con desperation/weak/needy/dumb. Any man within a 100-mile radius can smell it.
Look, Ms. Trying To Be Understanding, this man is not for you. He will never be for you. He is still caught up and hung up on his ex. You need to find a man who is single, without any attachments to an ex, or searching for an ex, and looking to reconnect with an ex. Find an available man who wants to be with you. Because Ms. Honey, honey, honey, I’m going to break this down for you and be done. The man goes to her house every Sunday for family day. That’s clue number 1 that he’s not your man. He spends time with her son that is not his. That’s clue number 2 that he’s not your man. Then, she does his laundry and cooks him dinner. That’s clue number 3 that he’s not your man. And, to top it off, he still refers to her as “My Girl!” You really need to go back to that Perdue farm and get a do-over. I’m done! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
Would you continue dating someone who spent “Family Day” with an ex?
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Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!