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Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’ve been dating this guy for three months and it’s my first long distance relationship. My ex that I haven’t seen nor spoken to for like five months saw that I was in a relationship and decided to randomly come to my house. We sat down and talked about why we never worked out and he apologized to me and gave me a hug. As he was hugging me, he bit my neck and I told him to stop. He kept biting and biting until I kissed him. The very second my lips left his, I ran out the room and immediately started to cry. I made him leave and called my boyfriend and told him right then and there what happened.
He’s infuriated with me and refuses to talk to me. He has not told me that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me, but he also hasn’t told me that he forgives me. I’ve been crying for hours straight trying to figure out why I would do that as I’ve been cheated on before. I’m disgusted with myself and I can’t stop wondering if he’ll ever forgive me. My question to you is even if he does miraculously forgive me, would it honestly ever work out? He’s not answering any of my phone calls, texts, or messages. – Emotionally Numb & Completely Dumb
Dear Ms. Emotionally Numb & Completely Dumb,
I feel how you could be emotionally numb. You thought you were over your ex and BAM! He shows up and everything comes rushing back. Yes, your heart is pumping, you’re excited to see him, and he looks damn good! You end up kissing him, and the guilt you feel rushes over you. Damn, damn, damn! I get it, girl. And, oh yeah, by the way, yes, I agree that you’re completely dumb. You’re in a relationship with another man! And, please don’t tell me that you were caught up in the moment. Girl, if you think I believe that, then you must sit in the front row in your special ed. class.
So, in regards to your relationship that you have with your long distant boyfriend, uhm, sweetie, it’s over! It’s a wrap! Done. You are no longer in a relationship. He can’t trust you. You’ve destroyed that, Ms. Honey. I mean come on now, he is in another state and he is trusting that you’re going to be committed to him, and three months into the relationship you’re slobbing all over you ex. No man is going to put up with that, especially letting your ex get it in. I’m certain he feels you’re not being completely honest with him, and he probably thinks you slept with your ex. Although you say you didn’t, and it was just a kiss, your boyfriend doesn’t believe it for one second. And, do you blame him? Oh, by the way, I’m not buying that he randomly came to your house. And, you were soooooo surprised to see him that you opened the door. You two get to talking, he apologizes for how he treated you, because you’ve been waiting with bated breath for him to say those words since it ended, and you were so helplessly weak for him that you ended up kissing him. Girl, you better stop lying to me. I will come to your house, randomly, and make you stand in the corner facing the wall and then push your big head into it.
If you know how it feels to be cheated on, then you would think you would be the first person to not do it to someone else. Yet, you did. I will say this, we all make mistakes. We all do things, sometimes, that we wish we could take back and get a do-over in life. Unfortunately, you’re not getting a do-over, but you can learn from this mistake and hopefully not do it again. So stop crying, whining, and falling out like someone died. Girl, please, get a grip and pull it together. You told your boyfriend what happened, and that’s all you can do. You apologized and asked for his forgiveness. If he doesn’t and the relationship ends, then guess what, you will live. You will be all right, and DON’T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN.
Look, Ms. Emotionally Numb & Completely Dumb, I’m not wasting any more time talking with you. I’m getting pissed off, just like your boyfriend, oops, I mean your current new ex, and I’m going to stop responding to you. Honey, he is not responding to your texts, calls, or messages. I know you’re a lot brighter than you’re making yourself out to be. So you figure it out. If someone you’re dating stops responding to you after you tell them you kissed your ex, what do you think should happen? Go ahead and think about it. While you’re thinking I’m ending this response. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
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Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!