You’ve got questions? He’s got answers! Need advice?
Send your questions to Terrance: firstname.lastname@example.org
Dear Gay Best Friend,
Okay, I’ll try to sum this up quick. I’ll give you the key points.
There’s a girl, and we went to high school together. We graduated in 2005. We never really talked or even talked once in high school. Recently, she sent me a message through Facebook. I replied, and at one point I ended up telling her to text my phone so we can keep talking. She did, and we started to text back and forth daily, and often. At first it was nothing really. She even tried setting me up with one of her friends, which I turned down. So I asked her the same, trying to feel out her situation and our situation. She also turned it down, and said she doesn’t have time, and nor does she want a boyfriend.
We kept talking, and then one time in reply to some of the things she was saying, I said, “I think you do need a boyfriend.” Her attitude toward a situation with her friend and cousin made me say she needed to get laid, but I didn’t say it so bluntly. She seemed jealous her friend was getting a guys attention, even though it’s her cousin. Her friend ditched her for him. And, there were other things a boyfriend could have solved for her. She kept saying no. Well, one night, where she had something to drink, she sent a text saying, “You’re right, I could use one.” But since then she has played it down.
As time went on I realized that this was a real cool girl, and that I really enjoyed talking to her. She’s way different than any girl I ever dated, ever had a crush on, or even kicked it with mentally and physically. That’s pretty much the background. The question is what is she looking for or want? I can usually tell, but she doesn’t have the game normal girls have, and she isn’t real flirtatious. She’s really shy. I just don’t know what to do. Should I keep it as it is, or ask her out and risk what we have now? – Trying To Make A Move
Dear Mr. Trying To Make A Move,
Now let me get this straight. ‘Cause I know you don’t have me answering a BASIC question. Yeah, I said BASIC because this foolery is some ______________.
I’m going to assume that you’re between 23-24 years old considering that you graduated from high school in 2005. With a little bit of calculations, deductions, age variations, and some grown folk business, I’m going to assess that YOU ARE A GROWN MAN. If you like her, then why are you contemplating asking her out? You’re not asking her to marry you, or to be committed to you. You simply want a date. You know, to go to the movies, Starbucks, or dinner. You’re interested in finding out more about her because she has piqued your interest.
Read this statement and read it clearly, ‘WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE?’ No, really. What do you have to lose? The only thing she can say is, “No, I don’t want to go out with you and I want to remain friends.” Will you die? Will it painfully hurt you and your life will end? I hope not.
I’m reading you and letting you have it because for one, you’re having a textual relationship with a girl you never spoke to in high school, and didn’t pay her any attention. She hits you up on Facebook, you give her your number and tell her to text your phone so you can keep talking. Have you had any actual phone conversations other than texting? I am going to repeat it again. You are having a textual relationship.
You obviously are not afraid to make moves because you gave her your number and told her to text your phone. So, make another bold move and ask her out. You mentioned that she is shy. I’m gathering that she is waiting for you to make a move. Wait, wait, wait a freaking minute. Didn’t she hit you up first on Facebook? Again, this is the same girl whom you never spoke to in high school, yet she sought you out and hit you up. Hmmmm, what does that tell you?
Yeah, she may have said she doesn’t want a boyfriend, but she certainly wants some of your love muscle. I can guarantee that! I don’t think she will spend all this time and energy texting you, and she made the first move. She reached out to you. I don’t think she woke up one morning and said, “Hmmm, I’m going to log onto Facebook and, see if he remembers me from high school. And, even though we never spoke I’m going to hit him up and start conversing with him for the hell of it.” Yeah, right!
Look, Mr. Trying To Make A Move, it’s obvious that the girl likes you. The two of you are spending lots of time texting one another on a daily basis. She hits you up while she is out drinking with friends and says to you, “Yeah I could use one.” I am a BIG BIG BIG believer that alcohol is truth serum. When people get to drinking it brings down their walls, and barriers, and it allows them to say and do things they normally wouldn’t do, i.e., in the case of your shy girl whom you’re not sure how to proceed with. Don’t be afraid to step outside of your normal boundaries, you know what I mean, the girls who make it easy for you. You’ve stated that she is different and you enjoy talking with her. Well, let’s take a chance to see if you will enjoy being in her company in person. And, make it a casual date. I mean very very casual. And, if all goes well, trust me, she will let you know, and you’ll definitely know what she really wants. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!
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